Tuesday, March 15, 2016

المذيد

يا الله
انا طمعانا
في حاجات كثيرة 
مثل الكثير
و مثل الجميل ومثل الثقيل
ومثل المصير الجميل
يا الله انا سمعت قصص حياة ناس صعبين وكمان شفت قصص ناس سعيدين 
مثلي ومثل الاميرة kate
فيا الله انت اعطيتني السعادة و كمان الجمال وكمان العايلة وكمان الوطن وكمان الشطارة التي العب بها مثل العجين ومثل الدراما الفاشلة و مثل الانهيار العصبي 
اتمنا ان تبعد مني الخوف و الالم والفشل والكسل
فان الكسل والفشل اولاد عم 
بس مثل اولاد العم البعيدين الافظع من الغربة والمجرمين
بمثل ما اعطيتني اطلب المذيد م

فانا عبدة غيورة و انانية و اريد من ربي التي اطلب منه الكثير والتي عنده صغير
واطلب منه المذيد مثل ما الصحراء تطلب المطر و مثل ما المريض يطلب الدواء ومثل ما سناء صبرت
ولكن انا لا استطيع الصبر 
فانا عبدة ضعيفة وشكاالة ومثل الطاووس
اطلب منك يا ربي السماح واطلب منك المذيد يا الله اعطني المذيد
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -