Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Take a break

Takin a break
Though a break and from a break
Taking a break with an emptiness that breaks me
And a whisper that shouts at me
And peole that haunt me, even though i dont even know them
Strength is ridicule
Is it really strength? 
Or strong motive
Or just all fake and weakness resides
What is a personality without trust
From within
Trusting myself
Trusting my strength and my judgement
Trusting my dreams and my choices
Trusting my fantasies and my realities
My mind and my heart
Trusting my everything
And being there for me , when no one else can
Torment is beautiful
For you mould your pain into your body and become something new
For pain is the only thing that can alleviate something like strength
And right now
Am in pain
From words
From actions
From loss
From desppair
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -