Monday, January 25, 2016


Death is always unsettling 
Always moving
That time u lose someone near or far
Im sure
Ur heart skips a beat
U think 
Oh no 
That was the last time
And it simply hurts
U hurt for the loss
The empty space
U hurt for the sadnessthat they have to endure
The good and the bad memories 
The short and the long
U have to endure time and moments where u have to be alone
In important memories
U have to endure all the disorgznisAtion
The bad news
The tears
The everything
And then... 
Youhurt for being selfish
For all the times u were jealous
For all the time u were mean
Or all those times u were broke
U wish u tried
U wish u cared more
U wish u did things better
U wish u remembered the last time
Or the last fate
Or the last smile
Or even that last push
Theres always a last time for everything
And i just hope all my negatives are done

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -