Saturday, January 9, 2016

Promises... In 2016

Where are you
When things are happening
Showing up and missing
Showing up and people laugh
But its not laughable
Like how your mind prepares
And your heart prepares
And your body doesnt
Or how you feel that words are coming
But theyre not the real thing
Or how things are supposed to go
But i need to promise myself things
And not burn them
Like start new plans, projects and periods in my life
Filled with hope and not despair
Filled with hope of tommorow being the tommorow i want 
And the tommorow i need
With hope that i can have sweet moments and sweat
And a new process and a new life
By 2
Ya allah 
Forgive me when i am wrong
And although i cannot be part of their team
I can be a part of yours
And my own team
My beautiful family
Ya allah
Let it be my day one day the feeling
Better than my weding
For i realised its unprecedented
That feeling im waiting for....
And whn you knock on my door
Ill be here

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -