Monday, January 18, 2016


its sad
life is sad
i am sad
that things are so complicated when they shouldnt be
and I understand the issues but i have no answer
like how a young laptops a is not working
and how there is so much pain in one heart
and how one may feel against someone
although that person is really kind and sweet
and now everyone thinks theyre bad
like those movies and series
where people dont find out the truth until the very end
I want to defend everyone
but i cant
and the result
from the best I love you to the worst good night
I hate it
and i dont even know whos fault it is
but i guess its mine
I guess it mine
for i was told
not to defend
and that they can defend themselves
am always ruining things
am always breaking things
am always
being stupid with glass
and forgetting that even the most beautiful glass
slit open a throat bleed
and  a simple 100 hundred pounds
can become the nightmare you didnt ask for
and travel of people you love can be so crucyfing
you miss them so much
and anger can be dreadful
and loss of agreement can break old agreements
and everything can defragment
just defragment
and all those words you used
can be like burning inside you
and then everything turns queit
not the quiet you imagined
no this is a negative night
but i didnt see it coming
no in the car everything was glamorous and kind and cool
but emotions are destructive
I felt the twinge the moment i made bad judgement
bad judgement
isnt that the falling
isnt that the crime
that i have to pay for ?

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -