Tuesday, January 19, 2016

اليوم الاسود

انت لا تعلم يا حبيبي كيف انا احبك
مثل الموج البحب الهواء بيضمر الارض والحياء ليرقص مع العاصفة
ومثل ما يحب الوحوش ابناءها ولكن تسبب نزيف ابناء الاخرين
فهذا الوحش مثلي
لا يفكر في مدي جرحه لك وللاخرين 
فانا هنا اتمنا سماع صوتك ان كان خير ام شر
واتمنا رفضك او حتا اهانتك او حتا عدم مشاعرك 
سوف استحمل يوم او اثنين
سوف استحمل الا ان ترجع تحبني مرة ثانية
فانا الان افهم مدي قرهك لي
افهم مدي صبرك
فخليني انا شوية اتصبر 
وخليني انا شوية اقره كل شيء 
وخليني انا ايضا اندم 
وحتا اتراجع
وخليني اكون مثلك صارمة
و خليني اكون مثلك ما واضحة واتاخر
ولاارد ولا اهتم بي قلقي 
انا لا اهتم بي قلقي اذا انت لا تهتم 
ولا اهتم بيدمعي اذا انت با تشوفهمولا اهتم بي كلللللللللل الكلمات الكتبتها لك اذا انت لا تقراهم 
بل فقت لبني بدون سلام ....

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -