Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Healthy September

I havnt written in a long time because I havnt been myself for a long time
maybe because ive given a big part away to someone I trust
but also because i i havnt been myself because i havnt trusted my eyes
my soul my mind
I know I can be better
I dont know why am so cruel to myself
but I know im talented and strong
I know that God loves me
well I know that he used to love me
now im at the end of his bond
for ive broken all bonds with god
even though this year he has tightened them
strengtheed them
and proven to me
that any thing is possible

why am I not true to myself?
why am I not kind to my inside voice
and happy with my outer and inner life

I can do so much
and yet I feel like I cant do anything

 but its time to re start
I really wanna re start
 I really wanna trust myself
so much I know where im going
even if im blind

I really wanna be happy wiht my heart my voice my love
without any negatives any excises

I just wanna live without care for trouble
or care for minus time

I jsut wanna live
and be pure
and strong



now i know whats wrong

I dont feel healthy

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -