Sunday, September 29, 2013

Not like this...1

thatchers all around
is this whats its like around my heart?
unable to be free I am
because I let wrong by my side
living with me day and nights
and the days and nights become a habit
of fear
unfree I am
because of my own choice
or like the woman said...
death of heart
isnt that what she said
and I am the first to live with
a dead heart
 I ask waht the difference is between an educated beautiful woman
and an outcast lonely perverted man?

somewhere in the impossibility ...there is a tiny common
no perfection in the love of God
life is just...normal
whether right or wrong
iit goes on
without anyone caring so why should you care?
why should you care what GOd thinks of you?
why should you care how each special day goes?
life just goes on
and in the end...
it may be good it may be bad
you dont care so you be who you are
without giving energy

to the fact that no matter where you are
you can be .... amazing
if you make God your only descriptor
and your only judge be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -