Wednesday, May 1, 2013

may I ?

I dont know what to do
I dont know what to say
im just so happy
im meeting my man i dont know what to say
i feel like im reconnected to a lifeline plug
been missing it for so long
i feel like my wifi is back on or my electricity
for my whole mind and bodies electrifies with thought and dreams
Stamp I hope I look good
Stamp
after 19 hours of travel?
I dont think so...........

I want to be perfect
but perfect is a lifeless term
I want to be strong and weigh kindyl on his heart
and their hearts
and I hope Sudan lets me rent its land
and maybe one day buy
for I dream to live
I dream to explore
 I dream to question every and each corner of its mud and earth
and i dream to be vivid
and wise and clean and
memorable
and beautiful
I dream to be young and feel young
I dont want to ever stop
I dont want to ever regret
and I know i iwll only regret if I dont work hard enough
and i know I will only not work hard enough if i let the devil break me
and i know the devil will only break me if I am not faithful enough and in touch with god
and i know if i am not in touch with god then i am not in touch with myself
and i know if i am not in touch with myself
then beauty is a far far away dream

Home take me back
pelase dont hate me for missing you
and let me reunite with my creative existence
the one that you dont need so much to live  by
but you need a lot of hope
and I should have a lot of


to be conntinued
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May 10, 2013 at 11:07 AM

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -