Thursday, May 23, 2013

may I ...ruin everything for the sake of respect

Hello there,
IM the part of you that doesnt care about anything but respect
I cant see or hear or be anyone or anything when i dont recieve it
I want to be the best in all I am and I want to fight the world
for I am strong and legible , I am unfair but just , I am kind
but God I can also be really cruel , really really cruel
I'm the part of you that insists to never fall , to never crumble
and to never step down
even when battles are hard , and it seems a total failure
even when dramas are heated
never fall down , ever
so then why do you want to hide
why do you want to stop thinking

why do you want to cry later

because its never what i mean yet it always happens that i dont want it to happen that way
I hate myself for being so strong
but i cant understand how i can be me without it
if i was weak i would not be the woman i am
i dont give a shit about anything else
BUT ... then again
not giving a shit except a bout respect can ruin everything else
fuck this im angry and im strong
I dont give a shit
except about my respect
its all i got
its what my dad taight me
but he also taught me to stay out of trouble
and trouble is what i put myself in today


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -