Wednesday, February 27, 2013


I hear love is what you give and not about what you get
I want to give the world to you
but I get so much kindness and love , I get so much hope and feeling
I get so much joy and laughter
I hear loving for allah is more beautiful than just loving alone
Ive always loved allah and now I love him more
for he has given me more than what i want , better , stronger and wiser
than what i want
i love allah because he finally answered my prayers and my answers are clear
i love allah more now
he has finally opened the doors to all my dreams inshallah
I have asked and he has replied and for that i must me so grateful
thankful. and i must be so lucky
I am the luckiest girl in the world
I hear that the kind are for each other
I hear that the faithful are for each other
although my faith is weak sometimes and i do mistakes sometimes
 I hope allah forgives me always
I have never loved anything more than allah
and now.... faithful
I shall call him faithful from now on

Dear faithful,
I have a lot to say to you and i dont know how to say it
although you are so kind to me im scared i wont be the same to you
but dont worry I will never hurt you or push you away
its just all i see is a kinder sweeter man and im worried i will never be the same
how close i want you to be to me is .........
how near i want you to come to me is........
how far you are right now is...... scaring me
I Feel like you are breaking all my walls
all my boundaries and I am.........

tempted to touch


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -