Thursday, February 28, 2013

M & A 7--between u & I

I have an idea
Ill stop this madness in my head
and surround myself with the beauty that was always inside me instead
ill forget these worries and angers inside
and look for the happiness, the warmth and my pride
ill start loving God the way he's supposed to be loved
and remember that he is the only one that can fix anything I see wrong
Ill pray and pray and pray and pray
and never ever will I say
Ill wake and wake and wake and wake
and never ever will i be fake
for I am real
and I am in love
and my whole body is his
and my whole body is on fire
and my whole body is alive
and so I strive
to be a better woman
but sometimes i cant
and sometimes i forget
that i am not alone anymore
i forget how important that is
i forget how beautiful that is
and im sorry
i am not trained yet
but i will be
i will be perfect for u
thats between u and i

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -