back to praying....

I cannot write when im this sad
I cannot think when im this mad


so i close my eyes and take a deep breath and
his picture comes to my mind and all my anger melts
i forget this terrible world and all the pain i feel
and wonder about his eyes and the moments i steal
by his side that i cannot make longer
touching his hands that are so much stronger
than all this mess
and all these tests
that we have to pass to be with each other
but are we not already together?
not everyone sees that
not everyone hears my soul
not everyone understands my call
to him

I get angry again
So I count to ten
and his voice comes to my ears
everything becomes so clear
I hope im his hope forever
I hope he understands how silly I can be but also how
strong and confident and faithful I can be
The faithful are for the faithful
but I have lost my faith
or am I just distracted?
God faithful distracts me!!

I need god so much right now
I need faith and I dont know how
to stop thinking about him
I hope god forgives me  for all my
sins ---
like not waking up for the cleanest prayer the hardest prayer the most beautiful prayer
this is the one I need
but I realise praying is the most important thing I need right now
I need to pray for his safety and I need to pray for him
after all I did pray for him for all these years
so why stop now
 should'nt I pray that I get to keep him????
forever
and ever
and infinity
and after