Saturday, January 12, 2013

wicked girl ....LEAVE

wicked girl come tell me your secret
why you hold on to me even though i have all these gates
and locks and alarm bells for intruders
like you ...
wicked girl how did you enter into my soul
and now you control it and i continue to fall
listening to you
thinking about your wrong right things
you hypnotise me to do the wrong thing
making me think its the perfect thing
wicked girl
you want to walk and disrespect
you want to run before he sees her
you want to be the first and noone else can become like you
wicked girl you always talk
you always imagine you should deserve better than the rest
wicked girl how did you come
i threw you away a long time ago
and now you ganged up on me and i cant get rid of you
i hate you
you turn me into a lifeless creature
one who denies years of motherhood
one who forgets or worse neglects - prayers
one who changes into a beast
all because you make me selfish
and angry
im always so angry
at myself
at others, having things i want
so im jealous
oh wicked girl why do you feed me with all this jealousy
i didnt as kfor that plate
you made me eat it
and now im always jealous
and a copy cat
for the simplest things
 i feel terrible al the itme
like i cant imagine anymore
like i have to merge myself with others to survive
because you took my perosnality and my identity
wicked girl
a parasite you need me but i dont need you i dont need you
wicked girl i demand you to leave
i demand you to leave

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -