zebras in the desert 2

I hate this part of me
the one who is never happy with what she has
feeling so cold even though god has given me warmth
and feeling hot when the air con is on
i hate this part of me
that is jealous of other peoples things
although i have so much more
 in depth
in time
in effort
my life runs a different course than otehrs
but i hate the part in me that doenst see that

why dont i have and why dont i have
when i have it all
i have it all
and icant see it
from this
i can create an experience never to be forgotten
but here i am
lost
in sensation
that i am losing
that i am stupid
that i am making a mistake #that i am making a big mistake
that i am now more hidden than ever
I feel awful
I feel awful that ifee l like this
because i know its worth punishing
god cannot give me all
and even if he wanted to now he wont want to

I wish  I wish Sudan hugs me with warm arms
and forgives me for my impatience and my selfishness for asking so much from it
and wanting so much more than it can give
but i pray
that it sees me as the one who got away but came back
voluntarily
and thus gives me priority
for it breaks my heart that
i am more sudanese than anyone here
but
I really am not
because i dont know the roads
and where they go to
i dont know their names
and I m searching for a house to call my own
but i dont know where it will be
and im searching for undiscovered thing s but theyre so expensive
but im searching for forgotten promises that i made

I dont know where they are
I dont know where they are