Friday, November 9, 2012

so and so

it scaress me when i look back through a mirror glass of broken engagements love and to think how many tears may have been spent and how many kisses may have been vain
so and so was in lvoe with so and so buthink about t they didnt end up together
theydidnt get married
no one really knows why
except the couple that should have been but never were
i know that means God didnt write them down as one

but i still wonder and imagine
if so and so were together today now
how would they be
 would they be here different
with us in love
in fear
in happinness
in time
in strength
or in darkness
would they have saved us or would we have saved them
from twisted marriages and no children from illness and poverty and fights and terrible people
would they have saved us from lack of education and love
or would they have saved us from enhanced trauma
would we have sepent itme with them and loved them
and become friends with them
and maybe even more

I wonder
about what could have been all the time
and i tihnk well how many could have beens were in my life
and my time
and what will be in a few years time
or maybe many years time
that I will regret or not regret

all I know is
I pray God helps me make the right choices
and gives me orange lights in the middle of khartoum with ...........

to be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -