Monday, November 12, 2012

Signed....I will succeed

I wont let you fail me
I wont let you starve me from good feelings and good things
here I am taking hte time be here
and here you are taking the time to throw me off my point
I want to understand how traffic is
and how life is
and how time is spent
and how people win
and succeed
I want to succeeed
i jsut dont know how
or am i too weak?
I dontk now
but I know
I will not fail
I will not fail
I will not fail
 and I will not become one of you
this place isa like facebook
you can open it and become addicted and keep presing and poking until your page is jsut dirty
I dont want to have a facebook here
no no account
I am still the same person of accurate intentions
to faith and love and life
I do not want ugly dreams
I only want wonderful ones
I do not want open portals
i want closed ones
remember the less faith you have
the more open the portals become
remember its been a long time since ramadan but its still a longer time to the next one
 and this one was special i know it was
it had to have been
i filled my batteries to the brim
and I am not preapred to waste them
I wll not be sad
i will not be irritated
or made to do soemthing or say something i do not want to do
 Iwll not be dirty
 i will not be ugly
and i will not be dumb
i will not be dumb
i made that mistake a long time ago and it still hurts me
but that hurt should change me and not break me
 i pray for the right one
the right thing
the right dream
i pray i fit into it
not the otehr way around
i dream
of sweent mornings
and warm smelling pie
ppie with jam
pie with heart
and how to make flowers in vases
i am that girl
i am also looking for independance
i am also looking for
for a woman who is lazy to pull her out of that hole
and i wont let you push me into it at all
i may have fallen into it
but i wont die in it

Signed ... Iwil l succeed

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -