Wednesday, October 19, 2011

She writes....I remember that day,, where am I now, where is she? ...she writes

She writes....
I wonder what you would think of me , If you only knew me
He writes
.................
She writes
i wonder what your dreams are and ............

( I left this poem for 2 days)
Now I find it and my whole persepective has changed


She writes
One time I heard that patience and trust, love and honesty are key
one time I saw a woman who never thought about it
Who never mistrusted herself
Who never imagines this or didnt imagine that
and...she won

She writes
I see exactly what I want
her smile
her happinness
her confidence
and strangely I feel embarrassed 
that woman was here
that woman I once knew
but I didnt learn
I didnt take good
i only gave back bad
She writes
I Feel like a part of is always losing , giving up to others, never standing up for herself
I lost the war because i put down my weapon
weapon of joy, weapon of faith, weapon of patience
I lost because i had no shame in waht I was doing
and she writes
everything you do has a cost
either you get paid or you pay for what you do
I lost because all I do I was paying for
and not I have nothing more to pay
She writes 
I am jealous only at the power I should have had and the zero  i have now
only at the beauty I should have known and the ugliness i Feel now
only at the lessons I should have learned and the emptiness I know now
She writes
where is your soul?
where is your fear 
where is your heart
what have you done?
you have no one to blame 
Hope
She writes
you have no one to blame
blaming everything on ohers but never yourself
its time to blame yourself 
She writes
crying
I am only sad at the time Ive wasted
and the ties i've tied rotten
and the words Ive said
meaningless
and the 
thoughts ive thought
painless
from regret
but hear I am today
In pain.........
She writes
where are you first
where are you 
she writes
you only need something else
you only need
you
she writes
find you 
before you find me
help me before he helps you
save me before you ask to be saved


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -