Tuesday, October 4, 2011

cut.....sugar girls but you're made of bitter

I dream of love
the right kind
the wondeful mind of faith coming with dreams and engaging me
I dream of truth
honesty courage and youth
to hold me
i dream to never fall in traps
escpecially the ones designed by my own maps
falling and falling into the other side of disaster
I fall and fall faster winding and it only keeps getting darker
asking all the wrong things I did 
then I got afraid and I hid
a coward I know with all despair
Ive broken things I cannot repair
madness suddenly holds unto me
sadness becomes my only refugee
guilt becomes my losing war
there was so much to have so much in store
but always always I take - choose wrong
always always i am not strong




Girls they all want the same things
to fall in love , be loved, be happy , be respected
I didn't think of the consequences of my choices
I only thought of what I wanted 
I ignored all the warning voices
that here...Is not where you'll find things
This...is not how you find things
Girls they surrender, cry and hurt
they change their minds a million times
they scream at their lovers 
they love and love again
until it feels right 
until its certain its right
until its for sure correct
I wanted something out of a movie
something beautiful, something extraordinary
cut
you reap what you sow
what goes around comes around
you fool.....
impatient fool




No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -