Tuesday, October 18, 2011

it was simply for you....

So.... it seems that you do not understand
What I was trying to say.....
I was trying to help you I was trying to do it today
I was trying to show you that I'm in love
I was  trying to make you feel I'm the only one for you
I dont know you
i dont own you
I dont hear you
But I was trying to show you
something new
something true
something fairytale
something real
something to keep
and no longer ...weep for


But.... it seems the days win and the oceans spin us apart
it seems the words break and mountains shake so we do not find each other
It seems the clouds rain and the rain washes away my tries
It seems there are others stronger than me, more beautiful than me - more interested and more .....unwashable
It seems the start had no meaning and the end is near
It seems the battle and the war has been lost
and what cost?
well simply you....



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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -