Friday, January 21, 2011

Waking up.......


It's the morning dawn and I can't get up for beauty

But I feel intoxicated with this kissof the morning

wafting with cake from the night , I can't fight

A devils invitation to save me


It's the blissful sounds of grandfathers memoirs

but my mind wont accept that kind of passion

I blade my skin through the torment of a dream

/ a fantasy/ a beautiful illusion that uses props from me

but interoggates me by deepening my affair


It's the escape from a queit living room into a vivid wildness

sometimes i think I can touch but if i think harder

I will know it is touchable , just through a different journey

sometimes I ask myself what is stopping me , only to see it is me


I try and save things missing

I tr and forget things gone

deep in the back of my mind I still worry, but I am determined to change

change to be me

change to be something I can fall in love with

no one else


I ask God to help me change in this year

to help me become the womn i want to be

or to invade problems only to kill them

and to occupy dreams that save

and to heal through praying

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -