Friday, January 28, 2011

I am.... the

I re think my strategies time and time again

If I was at war ( which I am) I Would have been killed a long time ago

my defences low

my determination slow


yet my dreams...

my dreams are wild and explicit

my dreams are large and grand

my dreams.... demand _ something so big of me




I evaluate my position

and list all my suscpicions

of people that break me


I can only find one


ME


I write my problems


I can only find one



ME



I wonder about everytrhing


how I look from the outside

and does the inside ugliness show



I think how I Feel

how do I feel

so many emotinos a day


I am so many women

so many good and bad

I am the strong one

the kind one

the broken one

the lustful one

the taken one

the uncourageous one
the stupid one

the hypnotised one
the weak one
the broken one
 the evil one
the suspended one
the remorseful one
the smart one
the dumb one
the terrible one
the unexplainable one
the unapproachalbe one

the falling one
the fallen one
the soundless one
the jealous one the envious one
the scanty one
the scrapy one
the monster one
the angry one
the big one
the nasty one
the ugly one the I cannot stop one
the I cannot do this one
the I am sad one
the let me runaway one
the I cant recover one

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -