Sunday, January 16, 2011

From a new distance/subconscious extraction

16. New steps , where have they taken. Me
I walk through these beautiful forests of connected future breaking through landscapes I once new and new ones I want to discover
The crisp of the ground cracks underneath my heavy footsteps
Misunderestimating my refusal to fully interact with my emotions with my trepidations
With my desire and reward to go on, to keep walking to keep investigating where. Am. I
16 days into this wild and untamed future I press on the leaves to find words dissapperin
They glisten gold letters of time , I stare at the individual letters each one delicately becoming
But I can't understand what any of them mean


The trees bend and twist like imaginative fairytales darkening deeper into the earth as if owing from another scope of nature
Another space in time
I want to discovered who I can become from this strange place,
I know ive always wanted to come here
I know thisplace with feeling but not with sight
Not with ears not with texture
Just with heart
I've been here before
But
I've never been in it like this
I've only been from a far distance
Now I touch....

My subconscious
This strange and scary hole of who I really. Am
This place does not hide anything
This place shows you what you need to do why you need to do it where u need to go


There are no wants and desires those roads are closed away
Those are no entry zones
There is just road that I can see ahead of me with so many turns and hidden escapade s
But I NEED to see the end because only there can I see who I am

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -