Another week
another crossroads
another pain in my heart that wont go away
will it be another waste
another lifetime
until nighttime
units of emotion driven unspoken
will it be clean and worthy
or horribly messy
another hour
her speaker to my soul
killing me softy
killing me deeply
where am i going
back home
or back to pour
all the shame in
I could win myself
icould lose myself
i already have
so is that not enough
is that not strong aloud to tell myself to hold on
and shimmer through
right through
and smell petals
not rubbish
not pain
i am a million pieces inside
i am a thousand cracks waiting to split
violently silenced by secrets and wishes
dreams and current events
the melody whispers
this is wrong
stop what youre doing
another one starts playing
you know you have no control
you know you have no ambush to conquer this mess
then a new song
to hypnotise the love inside
me
the quests revolve
within me
the shadows glamour periodically
everything shimmers and glitters
and like drugs shakes you and wakes you shakes you breaks you and hates you
all at the same time
no compensation
no investigations
no deep guitars
or beautiful piano
I am a part only of the rythym of my lost heart
lost heart
i dont know what my heart wants anymore
i dont know is it even mine
i dont know why my heart asks for all this pain
i dont know why im giving it what it wants
i dont know how to stop this explosvie stealing of emotions
right now i am a bleeding fountain
red swirls of passion antagonised by blue waters
soft tumbles of mess into the loud swish of currents
love soars and anger pours out into the environment
my environment
my apartment
my heaven is hell
my hell is sweet
like diamonds glittering in the madness of confusion and tales linger and whisper
untold unheard
unable to understand forever
why im like this
why i do this
vanish all the goodness within me and available in me
out
away
into invisibility
into destruciton
ill never understand why i let other peoples stories and mistakes
entangle me into a spiderwebs invasion
''she came in to the room with a coloured bag and her daughter pushed by evil of jealousy and destruciton shecame into my house and my dreams swelled in my mind into a huge drama until they burst
i felt wicked i felt weak i felt so much pain i could no longer breathe
i still cant breathe
i stilll see her face in my face
in my dreams in my lust and affairs
she stole my heart
i let her steal my family and my life
i let her win
it wasnt even a competition
but i feel her game racing against me
my life is pushed to the side
my soul has cried and cried
as she races within me
of her evil eyes and lies
everything was so vivid and still is
everything was so unclear and still is
so this woman has broken my heart
even though i dont even know her
i just know that i am here today at 15.32 still remembering her secrets and breathing in her intoxicating shadow
dont i have a choice?
dont i have a choiceto forget all this
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