Thursday, April 8, 2010

Separating Hope 2


Devil: Oh this is so normal! she hates herself - starts to ask for forgiveness, soooo poorly its funny to watch, like... barely putting her hands up, something just to pass the sorrow, and looks to the sky and says... God forgive me! , Ya Rab! and gets up and has tea, exactly the way I planned

Soul: To be continued...

Heart: I feel like all the air is coming witout coming to me, I am suffocating, I am a heart that is suffocating, in this dirty cycle, in this pain of mess I live in, in this disability to change

Devil: ha! change? oh I love that word, I can change anyone , change them t forget their goodness, change them to forget their meaning, why theyre even here, I can make time pass so quickly yet so slowly, drag them into this space where they are neither dead or alive, just... passing time

Soul: Everytime it happens, Everytime, for so long now, it's been happening - I... Love it... ICannot stop... Ic annot stop changing, Icannot stop ....

Heart: You dont' know what your talking aobut ! Do you hear me hey! listen, you dont know what youre talking about, you're changing that is right but you don't know what the hell yourechanging into

Devil: that's right! - let her be hypnotised like that , let herjust keep changing , she doesnt know what she's changing into.. besides why should she decide!!! I decide!, I decide what she does!

Soul: to be continued

1 comment:

Cupcake said...

I havent been able to check your blog the past week. It said the blog is no longer available or something and I totally paniced. Keep up the great work.
xo

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -