Wednesday, April 21, 2010

in the morning

When morning comes
Life turns into beauty and existence is rewritten, the falls reilliterate time and the world revolves around power, around 3 in the morning layers surrender to Gods call, asking if anyone desires to be answered, they awake to memory, to love, to true passion between the relationship crystal with God and his obeyors, I feel intimidated at the offer I refuse, at the gold I return for I ...sleep,
I sleep through skies and planets turning, through colours and dawn breaking, I sleep when angels come and go, fly and cry at my ignoance
I sleep when my dreams can come true, all my dreams can come true
I sleep when I ....die


For as the dawn breaks and the sunset makes a new day.... everything cha nges
all the souls leverage into their seeping bodies like me... yet some, some are ready and steady, some are praying and saying

GOD forgive me
God help me
God change me
God love me
God forgive me

they start the day afresh and at least without regret
hours on their time
they are in control of their eyes, their happinness, their despair
true despair
They are in control
for they lack treason
and lies
they lack sadness
for they have trusted in God
they have given their life to god
and in return


they fear nothing

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -