Thursday, April 8, 2010

Separating Hope 1

Separating Hope as if separation was something I wanted....

Devil: this is getting so easy

Soul: All Ican think about is the things I don't have

Heart: I am so unhappy

Devil: I am becoming a proffesional at breaking her apart, ripping her heart apart

Soul: I Can't htink about anything but my dreams, but my passions

Heart: Ican't do this anymore

Devil: Remorse, Regret, I will Pile them on her like never before but still like everytime, this baby is mine

Soul: Ican't breathe from my imaginations, nothing is real anymore

Heart: All i feel is betrayal, from myself ,from who should be the closest allies to me, from myself

Devil: Ha! She looks awful, she feels ugly,... ha! from all her mistakes and new ones I helped her with...she is... UGLY

Soul: I don't know what's right from w rong anymore, All I know is... I love to dream, I love to feel that adrenaline deep down when it goes right in my head, when i can see the actors and I am acting but it feels real...that;s all Iwant to do.. Pretend

Heart: But pretending is useless, its time wasting, it's.... Heart breaking

Devil: Oh Shut up, bothof you, these wordsd are time wasting... just let me get back my energy and ill go back to hurting both of you again, to seperating you again

Soul: I want to be a dream, I want to be something I'm not

Heart: But if you listen to me.. You know that is wrong, you know you are hiding and running from your problems, you just want soemthing, anything powerful to make you forget.. but forget what?

who you are? whats your name? where you come from? wat you live for?

Devil: This soul will never learn, no matter what you say to it, no matter how you feel ... it will always cry blood, and then turn and scream for more ha! I am sure, I am sure... it is way too weak for a lovers kiss

Soul: To be continued


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -