Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Eytan & Kevser 1

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Eytan & Kevser 1

I fall in love again

So bad it hurts

so fast i cant concentrate

i cant imagine anything else

i cant stop listening or breathing or making

this dream come alive

like other dreams???

I dont know

I know I never do as I say

but today

i feel like....

Im stepping into boundaries I never felt

or knew

or wanted

I want to imagine new things

I want to become a new person

I need to do this because

... I am in love with car parks in phalestine

and I want to be the lover I never was

I want to be the woman I've always wanted to become

like heaven in store

buying treasures of change

my god

it's amazing when someone changes so well

perfect perfect perfect

I cant stop anymore

its too perfect

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -