Monday, April 26, 2010

It's Simple


Its simple.... I do not know what every kind of love is.. I am yet to find out

Whether it is here or in another place

I am yet to find out

I do not know how it feels like to be loved by someone

Its simple

God has not written those things for me yet

and until then... I am free... I am free


A few days or even hours ago I could cry

I could make wrong with the world and everyone in it

I would be sad and lonely

and now

now...

even after words that could hurt

or ideas that could make me turn


I feel strong

I feel calm

I feel

inspired

to only Love God

For yes...

That is the one love i know

the onle love I truly can feel and have

and to have it returned

is

a life changing day


For life is simple when you Love God

and everything is correct

I want to be like this

continously


free



I feel like my soul has been released

from prison or from hell

I feel like my mind is cleansed

with wellbeing

and nourishement with Gods words

I feel like I understand

why I am here

what I want to do

and most importantly

....

reach out to my dreams and catch them

for time

is never stopping

and I have stopped for long enough

my clock has stopped for a queit time with no ticking or heartbeat



....

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -