Friday, May 16, 2014

palm trees, cappuchino, love....

Palm trees , cappuchino, Love
when will you miss the one above
Allah, your truth and honest favor
the one who is your kindess, your only carer
Apple, Dolce, Gold
and yet your heart is sold
to forgetting who really bought you those things
Allah, your most important treasure
there is no other 
that could give you this sultanate measure
of african nubian highness
you are... an african queen
mesmerised with beauty 
and you see nothing 
only a desert with a bad government
but its not like that
its more like inspirational existence
a test of time
a rough soil for you to make bloom no matter where you walk
YOU walk
your footprints are your only responsibility
your challenges are your only democracy
and your eyes are your only tragedy
for they are ..;backwards
maybe worse that the worse beggar 
dry, thirsty, and dirty
look at yourself
you are rusty
from the hairtip, to the toenail
you are broken
by something inside you you let get too big for you to control
a massive wavetide throwing you off course
and off balance
you have to work harder 
breathe harder
think harder
fear harder
cuz you are alone
Allah is not with you
although he never gives up
but you have given up
these few past hours
are light in your cup
swirl into existence again
challenge yourself to beautiful challenges
delve into your beauty dusted by saharan fears
dont let time pass you by
and devils mystify you
theyre only a bad film
but you are an elegant responder
an shining beauty
something unheard of
you are kind
you are strong
and not in that way you have to break others to prove that 
no are strong deep inside you to the outer core
you strong you contain light and precious gems within you
you travel miles to figure yourself out
and now youve just travelled miles to only stop yourself living
but you are strong enough to forgive yourself and move on
you are strong enough to love yourself better , higher and nicer
you are strong enough to be free
please , you owe it to yourself like a nice present
or the ost expensive toob
you owe it to yourself to be treasureful, meaningful, youthful, deepened and proud

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -