Saturday, December 15, 2012

to give her or not to give her.....?

 A shot of dreams
I fall to the core
shattered in pieces
life becomes death
sond becomes still
I will
never hear again
or see again
or feel again
the way I felt
just a second ago
for its too late
to change anything
the finality is here
as I crash
as I forget
as I close my eyes
as I become senseless
as I give up
street lights
fun life
desire scents

I ask myself all that didnt matter
except your faith
why did you give up your faith
your prayers
your questions
and your dreams
why did you let them turn against you
until they shot you down

faith should have been priority
here or there
or anywhere you go
do not worry where you foot is in life
worry about
dreams that will shoot you because you didnt protect yourself with faith
your prayers
remember those?
arnt they all the same plane

lose one
shot of dreams
with bleeding into internal despair
and external sorrow
seeping into yourwounds
until it all darkens
and you find yourself

its never too late to be happy
its never too late to ask yourself
how strong are you
and show yourself
what it is it
that you can really do?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -