Thursday, December 6, 2012

are you ever to be .....intoxicating?

I have a dream that I saw today
although I knew I could do better one day
floating queen I dream and see
her colour of navy or a turquiose sea
maybe pearls maybe jewels
but I see a crown glorious to the eye
dazzling with love I dare to try.....
become her

detailed flowers or is it diamonds
I dont know what style is nicer but i drream of it all
although I feel stupid
I feel weak
like jasmine
except shes already given up
I continue to fight
fight for who I am
for who I wnat
for what i want
it annoys me when people mess with my heart
it fears me when I mess iwth my heart

my heart is like my dream
colours of all wavelengths
I dream to exist
royal navy but with a cape
yes colourless
a dress with wood for example
or a dress with metal
or ivory
or leather or pearls
people have to describe for a long time
what they saw

her body was amazing
her body was beautiful
her dancing was amazing
she was .............intoxicating


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -