Wednesday, July 20, 2011

So happy,so so happy its in the small things you thought were big.....


I feel reborn
i have been mean and God has been kind
God has been true and I have lied
lets start over - give me back my wings and help me defeat the world, my world, dear invention of trust and bravery
I know that this will hurt you but you have been a broken failure like a broken record
whining and whining
I was too blind to find - all that was kind in you and what you gave me

I'm tired about fighting about the same old things
things that taste salty and bitter
even things that taste sweet I fought about the level of sweetness involved
maybe its over maybe we're through
I will no longer pretend
 I will no longer settle

 i honestly can say I am still a muslim I am still in love with you my faith
love letter crazy love letter frenzy
I wish I had more fingers to type my love for you forver and ever
and i know I have reduced to you a crippled outlaw in my life I have forgotten you betrayed you and now I come to you
a lost long lover asking for your forgiveness and love
i love you
i guess people who love each other
do good things for each other
people who need each other
save each other

You did that for me
you looked out for me
you saved me
you protected me
you made me healthy and happy
and I didnt give you anything
so you must really love me
but I promise
I promise
I am new ..........
I will give love my wings the wings it needs to fly and reach you and show you how much I truly care
and how I truly will never dare to defy you again

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -