Tuesday, July 19, 2011

forgotten loyalty

I feel like I've been hypnotised to give m life away
tricked to pass the time away
bullied to say these words
always these words
why always regret and pain
why always angr and madness in my head
why not that nice sweet simple life
why not that good happy time
why not that beautiful commitment
why not that hopeful hope
why not goodness


why not believe in God
I should believe in god
I should learn in God

Ramadan is coming and I am so lost
Ramdan is here and I am so far away
ramadan is here and I need t so bad
every moment I await
to forget this prickly life and fall into the arms of ramadan
hard but loyal
loyalty
purity
loyalty
loyalty
believe
believing
trusting
loyalty
where is my loyalty?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -