Thursday, December 17, 2009

I don't know... I just don't know


its funny i guess

so many thoughts and dreams

and yet it all could be a road away

a couple of miles away

I came here for a reason

to get my life together

to start a new life

to love my life

and i am not doing any of those things

but i came here for other things

things i might not even know

about

like

...Love

loving myself

Loving God and faith

I don't know

I dream of cotton dresses fitting perfectly under a khartoum night blissful with family intentions and relations of love... food and stars glisten and taste of candy and watermelon in blaconies of retire... I have sides of hope and scope held in position and apposition to justify my life going right no need to be jealous or viscious - no need to be scared

no one is going to take something you own away from you

what God wants will happen

today you will not see

but it is not up to you ..to be

to be in control of this

its up to you to control somethings ,yes

but not this and that

I wish you would understand

your emotions are like the blizzard outside , going in one direction blowing and blowing anything in their way

asking for no discussion or meaning

just throwing cold as if heat

frozen moments in a cold apartment in your heart

I wish i was in sudan

living a life of fantasy

of agony with passion and dreams coming true

dreams i make with you

handsome eyes in my mind

falling armor within my hands

finished translation with your words

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -