Saturday, August 30, 2008

Beautiful nightmare part 2


Lana’s father had made the decorations exceptional. They had decided to make it a home wedding since it was at short notice, but whoever came could not stop talking about the dripping gold chandeliers from the ceiling and the lighting that curved all over the stairs, the chairs that were wrapped by velvet linings and the chocolates that could have been ornamental in their foil wrappings. The house today came out of a Cinderella story and it was every girls dream…every girl but Lana. Old women chatted loudly, men discussed the politics situation, and young obnoxious children ran around only stopping to spill their drinks as shy teenage girls swayed gently to the DJ’s music. Upstairs, mum had sent Julia, Lana’s younger sister to go downstairs with a few errands; call Sam to bring Lana down and tell the DJ to stop playing music so the floor could be cleared. As Julia walked through the guests, she smiled at friends she had invited, kissed a few aunts on her way, shouted at a few children who were destroying a bouquet of flowers but Sam was nowhere to be seen. He had a ‘’prince’’ like vogue to him; if he was in the room he could not be hidden. Everyone loved Sam, he knew how to conversate, flatter and certainly how to charm people. Sam had the ability to please anyone… anyone except Lana, Julia thought. As she walked around the room, she noticed her father being imprisoned by some Lady’s jokes and loud smile. She wasn’t sure had she saved him or was he just glad to see the wedding was finally underway but when her father noticed her approaching he rocketed to Julia. ‘’oh honey there you are!’’. Without leaving the woman interrupt Julia quickly asked her father where Sam was. ‘’I just saw him leave outside, someone called him’’. So Julia began making her way towards the big mahogany doors of their house. They were open and as she walked out into the warm summer breeze of the night, she could immediately feel her makeup melting over her face. Approaching the garden, she looked in all directions but Sam was nowhere to be seen; only random cooks, servants as well as a few friends smoking at the far corners. That meant he must have been on the street. Her heels already began to hurt her but she headed towards the wrought iron gate. A few steps away, sure enough she suddenly heard Sam’s voice. He must have been right outside the house concrete walls. She could hear him clearly yet could not see him. Walking closer now, she began to hear muffled things like, ‘’who do you think you are to come here now?’’. These words made Julia wonder but know Sam was angry. His voice certainly was covered with a deep frustration and annoyed tinge. The outside of the house remained empty except for the parked cars and howling dogs in the background. Julia now was standing right on the gate’s entrance. She saw the back of Sam’s freshly ironed suit and his Lynx odor waffled in the air. She figured it must have been the musician asking for more money or along those lines. Julia had just pushed out her foot to walk further, when… ‘’I can’t let you do this’’ came to Julia’s ears. What surprised her was it was a woman’s voice. At first she felt she even recognized the voice, it continued. ‘’This is wrong, I would never forgive myself‘’, ‘’ oh so you’re coming here to ruin my wedding for some conscience trip of yours, listen here Reem…’’. Reem? The name made Julia jump with startle. What was she doing here and after all she had done to her sister? But before Julia could explore her own thoughts Sam had continued to feed her with more curiosity. ‘’ if you decide that you want to be a better person right now, I will make sure you regret it all your life’’,’’ no Sam, I’m going to tell Lana the truth, today!.’ Julia could sense Reem had tried to force her way through, but Sam strong arms had pushed her away. ‘’I’ll give you 200 dollars extra, how’s that?’’, ‘’ no Sam! I don’t want your money, I want my friend and my life back!’’. Julia’s shock outweighed her. What was Reem talking about? And what did she want to tell Lana so urgently that Sam was trying to stop so Julia could only find herself picking up the end of her satin dress and walking slowly forwards. Sam was so engrossed with the conversation he didn’t notice her approaching but now as she let her self be seen, Reem saw Julia’s slender body revealing itself from behind the shadows. Both the girls were silent for a while as Sam continued. ‘’you already got 300 dollars but now you can have 500’’. Sam wondered why Reem had gotten so quiet and no longer focused on him, she looked on the verge of needing severe help, her eyes swollen, her hair messed up and tangled and now, she had blacked out. Julia felt she was in the middle of a football field and expecting not to be seen by the audience, but then again, she also wanted a lot of answers from that same audience. Julia’s scared lips began to open so they could ask, only to find the words had suddenly come from another,’ JULIA! I TOLD YOU TO CALL SAM, NOT STAND ON THE STREET AND TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?” Sam turned abruptly, Reem remained hidden behind the wall and Julia stood still, only staring at Sam whose calm was disrupted as mum approached the three.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -