Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Devil's Love


Arguing tragedy, speaking of change but no change ever occurs!

Bursting with crime and dying time

Lost in weakeness

Devils spread their wings to cover my vision of the beautiful future ahead

Want me to be like them

To forget good and most importantly .... never care about the consequences

Deteriorating my conscience and my morality to myself

No need to think too hard about far away realities... far away necessaties

Devils convince my energy to relax

A devil's love, a love of passion

Hypnotisation of centuries

Catching and pulling and never releasing

By

The

Chains

They hold fury against my dreams in a sweet nightmare tale

And watch me suffer as I lose those dreams I worked so hard to think of

They've finished a perfect masterpiece when I'm finished

Madness, sadness glueing my walls to a cermony of pain

A devil's love

One sided

Selfish

Unforgiving

Isn't it awful to imagine ... so do imagine

They let go of you whenever they want and not whenever you want to be free?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -