more than a gift

Do you have a name?
is it joyous or magnificent or proud
is free but hte most expensive gift on earth
is it unbelievable or tormented with happiness
is it beyond speakable trust in you
and in myself
is it beyond explainable dreams coming true
i just cant feel it or even come near to grasping it
or even controlling it
realy me?
is this happening to me?
but iam the one who doesnt deserve
theres a difference between one who doesnt know do they even deserve or not
it doesnt matter to them theyre not even on that level  of
what does Allah think of me?
but I am the one who always hs this conscience tht hurts because i waste all good things given to me
like money
or beauty cream
or good salads
or books
or magazines
or anything
and so i think do i really deserve  a new gift upon all others i have?
but this isnt just any gift
no this is beyond a gift
this is beyond happiness
it is beyond my belieifs
this is beyond faith and trust and hope and love and laughter
this is Allah loving me
cherishing me
having me with all my sins
accepting me
having me in his arms and giving me this treasure
this is Alh wanting me and not giving up on me
when i gave up on myself


to be continued .....