Me i just want to be me

Why do i love the house of angels that dont love me? 

I love their space, their tries and cleanliness that suceeds., their good thinking and healthy yumy delicious sexy food, made with the upmost care and love 

So much love you can see flowers breaking free with joy dancing around the house

Floating above the faith

Releasing joy and happiness and strength wherever they go

I love their garden

Filled with identity and questions being answered

New things

And nice things

And pretty things

And things thought of and dreamt and hard work paying off

I love their pigtails and their toobs that are fresh and plain coloured

Wasnt that my idea? 

Just like the strawberry smoothie

Also my idea

So why does it feel a million times nicer at their house

It doesnt feel like the world at their house

If feels like discipline is easy and beauty is sound and everyrhing is possible or impossible and it feels like a palace

And then i look at my own home and i think 

I am a lovely person maybe more than them 

I am a clean person i am an imaginative person

A modern and exciting person

And so i deserve credit for my own home

The one my family built and the one that ive been living in... Happily, calmly, sweetly, kindly and honestly i do love more than anything

But i want to improve 

I want to merge my own greatness with theirs

My own imaginations with new ones

My own explorations with theirz

I want to mix my life with the goodness that o see

The role model that i want to reach

And i only want to go forward

Want to reach somewhere 

Want to be somewhere

For i am in the middle

For i look at a house like this one

Once something now just nothing

Worst than nothing worst than evil and worst that pain

Just scarecrows and blackbirds

Just black clouds and rotten things rotten  rotten things and rotten feeling

Really that apple with worms inside

With complete failures and complete devil  employment

This house is a manly gross monster

Like a broken down hotel with no identity

Just a bunch of people living together

Trying to make something of themselves

With the ugliness thatthey have

No flowers here

Just bats hiding in the trees and misery blowong in the air

This place is maddening

And yet

Here i am comparing some partsofme with some partsof it

Yet alwayz i come back to my dreams

Look forward to the place i want to be like so much and that is...

Me