Thursday, May 5, 2016

Dear Allah _ thank you and I am so happy

Dear Allah
no matter how much i thank you
it is not enough
not enough power , not enough words, not enough kindness within me to convey truly how much kindness you have given me
there are not enough ways i could begin t cover my gratitude and all the happy feelings i'm feeling
whether they're right or wrong
justified or not
i could not thank you enough for your love
for your kindness
for your trust in me
for not making me in that percentage
for helping me and fixing me
and changing me
and helping me to change my heart
Dear Allah
I thank you for your offerings
and for your blessings
for your promotion and for your true heaven that you have instilled upon me
Dear Allah
there's nothing wrong with being happy
theres nothing wrong with loving your gifts
with feeling proud and happy
with feeling kind to yourself
with feeling like
yes i do deserve
yes i can have
yes I can feel all the things i wanted to feel and all the things i wanted to have and all the things i yearned to dream can come true
all from Allahs giving
and miracles to me
i am so happy
and i am not going to be afraid of being happy
am not going to be inconsiderate of my feelings
or my experiences
whats been is been
whats happening is happening
and am going to live that
with every happiness in my soul
Ya Allah
I just cannot thank you enough
and i cannot thank you truly and honestly for all the beautiful things you have given me
thank you Allah
thank you

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -