Sunday, April 24, 2016

The flat woman

I got to feel better
Its not going to work like this
Am a mess
Am a train wreck
A broken fool
For the devil to walk on me 
For the blackbirds to poo on me
For the screams of fear to echo on me
Its all a bad effect
The result of poor eman
The result of nothing inside me
The result of all the ropes ive let go of
The result of all the words i havnt read and the commitments to allah i havnt finished
And yet hes still kind and honest to me
Imagine giving a million pounds just to someone
Even if thatperson wasnt good or even if they were even bad
Wiuld u 
But allah gave me
More than a million pounds
No wonder am a plane crash of a woman

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -