Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Just thank you

Dear allah 
There are no amount of words to let you know how lucky i feel
How happy i am 
How strong u have made me in a time where i could have been low
There are no words to let u know how direct i am in my feelings to let u know thank you and that i love u 
Yes i am scared
But i know i could never ask for more
Dear allah 
Thank you for everything for now
For then
For tomorow 
For everyday 
Thank you ya allah 
For how i feel right now
For all the kindnesses you send along my way
Thank yu for all this
Thank you
I cant thank you enough
Thank you for this ya allah
I can just feel your presence 
Your love
And i am here
Pkeawe allah 
Dont let me go 
Hold me in your arms and never let me gofor i desperately need ur love
And your treasures
Accept me and help me and forgive me
And dont let me go
Protect me
And ya allah samihni
For i love you
And i love who i am because of u
And i love how i look and 
What am feeling
And what could be happening to me
Ya allah 
Please take away my worries
Take away my mistakes
And help me add credit which i so luckily nees
Ya allah 
Devour me in your plan 

Please allow me to be this new gift i beg for
Please allow me
Please help me ya allah 
Please help me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -