Friday, September 5, 2014

just like animals....

we go we leave
time is precious
and yet it seems
I only waste more of it
administered so expensively
and yet unsaved so tragically

discovering new music is a life saver
but unable to keep promises is a heart breaker

today is my last day


suddenly it doesnt seem so bad
and yet i know
it was

its strange how we get accustomed to situations until

its ok

i know this wasnt ok
but i reached a zone where it was

maybe from tommorow i may be able to fry eggs and stew vegatables

i really hope so
because im sick of living so unnaturally

like animals

this was

I wish I woulc understand myself better
know how to conect all the unconnected dots
fuse up light inside me
and make me glitter
i wish i could ...change

like now
move homes
i wish i could move personalities and become someone i really need to be

this change i carve for
what is it though?
i dont thnk ive ever asked myself that question

its always i just want to change

but what do i wnat to change to
what is it?

to be continued

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -