did
it
i havnt done something in a while
i havnt been commited
or strong
and yet my dreams suffocate me
trying to explode
yes
explode
and I still want to contain them
and yet i am here
with all this chance
I
am
unable
escpecially today to be happy
but i am also tired of who i am
i cant believe im jealous ofwrong people
i cant believe i put myself in these danger zones
she cycles to her class
and i
dont even bother opening my praying mat on time
she is more dedicated than i am
she is more faithful than i am
in things that she does
isnt she the reflection i want to be
jsut a different edition
a better one
and the other one
cutting up courgettes like they were diamonds
and i
just watch
wondering where the trust is coming from
where the lack of ego is coming from
i realised today im not a kind person
beginnign with myself
i realised today
i need help
but i looked in al lthe wrong reasons
i realised today
i am not anywhere near who i want or need or can be
no i
am
a pathetic woman
inconsiderate
and ...
persuasive and demanding
yes
history is true and never incorrect
and i am couched in sorrow just like on this couch
and i am
sorry for myself
deeply
deeply
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