Saturday, August 16, 2014

Re: zima

seems like I upset everyone these days
or maybe in just 1 day

ugly words
angry voices
empty apologies

I feel heartbroken

spaces in time all black
even though I came for the sunshine and to find , the best me
am here to change for the better and not to feel the winter
sorry to be so stubborn, so holed int he heart
finding bad news all the time
any yet my body resists to be the bad one

couldnt fast
im so sorry Ya Allah
please forgive me and
challenge me for the better
I ask you to forgive me
for im just sick of drama
although I know im the drama

and im sick of pain
although im the one that hurts me

and im sick of worry
although there is no need for worry

for i understand, life is short
and beautiful

Ya Allah,
I understand what ive compromised and i dont want to compromise it
i wont let posion run through my veins
or a scorpions bite kill us
I wont let a snakes venom have me
and i wont let an eagles prey eye chase me

I wont let a compromise to myself or ones I love
get to me

I will be me
the best that i can be


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -