dark desires & peaceful intuitions 1

She - I dont know what she is but I am forced to interpret that sheis a breathing empty vessael, a woman anatomically but a demonised structure, abnormally moving and talking
words dangerous if she knew
her life is a lack of productive numbered walks and breaths
for she will never amount to anything except an addition to a hateful persona
that I just hate
but here I am
cornered and for once unable to actually say what i want
its funny I know I can say a couple of things ormaybe even more
for I always know what to say
and how I can say it
and dont care what it does when its on the outside
but here I am

silent
I remember Gods meaning
- do not speak of Allah or religion if there is a chance that the other person can insult it , because of their ignorance'
and I know this is truly correct here
but also

I relaise
I am utterly powerless
for my thoughts are the opposite of her thoughts
and her mind is a landmine that I never want to enter
but then again so is mine

I am disgusted
I am blinded by the utter madnes of the world
and how the devil spins it
makes terrible things seems alirght
makes ignorance beautiful
makes shadows appear focused
and makes the strong weak

for I know what i believe in and I know Allah is mine and I am his


I feel like I want to get out of here for I did not travel thousands of miles across oceans and timedifference
to meet this ... she

but I find myself in a small town
unable but to wait for her to finish her unfathomable darkness of belief to me


and i ask myself
why?
why are you here?
there must be a lesson
for Allah wouldnt put me here for no reason except to test me


and really
I think again
sins
are they not all taking to the same result
like wesay
death is the same but the causes are different
hell is all the same but the reasons for entry are different


 i think about what ive left behind
people who I am dissapointed in and relatives who disgust me
lyers and cheaters and dramatic stealers
of money and time
and rippers of family
and trust



sin


and i think of her

disgusting revolting madness
unwilling or willing unknowing of the sheet conclusion
to her fate
and health
and loss of a soul damned in hell


and I think of me


why am I so clever to think of others when i cannot think and fault me/
I have faults
i have sins
and i have troubles

so where am I?
and who am I?
and if I am so smart to know what GOd thinks of others
do I know what he thinks of me/?


haaaa


to be continued?