Thursday, August 14, 2014

broken ideas

sometimes you must change your beliefs to resort to other methods that might be just more successful

you come first I come second
I miss my man
and how he makes me feel
I want to spend some and more time
ahead of time
baby I


am here alone and yet filled with your thoughts
that make me secure and protected
and my time here is precious even though its
for here chicano is KFC
and I am ..... different
in hope I used to know mode

everyday , I swerve a little bit to the best
but my monster self tries to destroy me
wants me to.... revert to new ugly ways
like ...

not caring

but I do care

and I want to remember that

you know like I know
that I can be better
maybe even something youve never seen

or heard

and IM scared
that jasmine will be richer than me

...but I hope God will forgive me
for wanting everything better than everyone else

I hope... that hope finds her late lost soul
and one day is early again


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -