Wednesday, October 17, 2012

butterflies on the roof

Today , I made a beautiful memory
on the final floor the roof of a house in the busiest part of omdurman with traffic horns and tired lorries overloaded everywhere I stood hanging my washing like....... like old times? I had never experienced old fashioned laundry for a long time
the smell of the powder, the coolness of the wet clothes against my wrinkled hands, the freshness of the sun as I was borrowing its heat to dry my clothes or was it being friendly by helping me?

ahead of me

was life
behind me
was a person I wanted to forget a little bit more each and everyday

but the real beautfiul memory was
white butterflies dancing nearby on top of pink flowers that were wrapped around the railing of the roof
how beatiful
undisturbed by badness by sadness
jsut miracles dancing and waving higher tot he sky to help them be together
landing on pink soil when tired to chat rest and have fun
 I watched them
I watched the street
I wish life could be as beautiful as those butterflies rythyms
so I asked myself
can my life be as beautfiul as those butterlfies rythyms?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -