Saturday, September 24, 2011

when I close my eyes 1





it's nearly dawn
I stand still leaning on a balcony post watching light come
satin touches gently
the warmth of steam from freshly made tea
and I stand still 
thinking of all things that have happened
what has brought me here
looking and feeling beautiful
the house is queit 
but in a couple of hours the house will be breaking with sound
relatives things smells music
decoration
in a few hours the sun will come out completely and I will go to a new day 
but it wont be like everyday 
it will be a dream day
a day filled with dreams coming true
I think
is today the last day?
or the first day?
I think
if I close my eyes will I be brought back to now or somewhere else 
I think 
what are those birds chirping
I think
I love the cool african wind against my skin
its only a moment of a crisp awakening you get the coolness unbattled by heat
I think
today is not like everyday
I am beautiful today
wanted today
today is my day
everyone is thinking of me 
and I am thinking of him
and I am thinking of how I got here 
and i am thinking of the suns capacity to fill the world
do I have the ability to fill his world?
today everthing is different
it really is the first day of my life
my eyes
my eyes promise me a new vision
my heart promises me a new love
my soul promises me a new forgiveness
my body promises me to look beautiful
my strength promises to never falter
my eyes watch the sun getting higher and higher into the sky
my eyes
the ones I'm using now to see that sun
but in an other timeline
lifeline
helpline
my eyes 
the ones that are watching today what I wish they could see tomorrow

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -