Monday, September 5, 2011

just one week from Ramadan

I am in a much smaller room but a much wider meaning
a much bigger heart in a strange capacity
I'm so tired yet feel fulfilled
my feet ache I'm so sleepy but cannot sleep

I hear planes outside
the sound of the city
queit mixed with attitude
my mind is jolted into tommorrow
the present has  run by so fast
I can still remember the first day
of anything

and here i am .....lost but under control
I thank you God for all you have done and the thoughts you hav given me
only one week from  Ramadan and its feels a year
so different life is from the beautiful time awway from the bad and ugly in this world


so i promise to keep my wolrd beautiful
Ya Rab I am here for you
help me protect what is yours and you have offered me
protect me ya rab first from me then from others Ya Rab
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -